Today I find myself at a standing point confused, angry, and still tormented. And the villain doing the finger pointing, is me. Refreshing it was to hear from my lips that I, Athea am really trying to channel this anger into a much more productive energy.
I told him...."I am at least recognizing this flaw and am constantly rushing a release of relaxation." And then I asked him, "Do you ever really turn off your heart? How do you stop feeling? Do you really expect someone to rebuttal within themselves and close off every portion of their entirety completely?" The impression I received was that, I need to sort of become numb to certain idea's, memories, influences, passion, and my own Delores West.
Today I admitted more truth to someone I can trust then I ever have in my life. Though it was a simple 10 minutes of constant rambling..... for that 10 minutes, I got to let go..... not really let go, but recognize that I am not without fault. I leave the analyzing up to him, and pray that he takes my open heart with refusal.
Today I realize that I have the most control of my life. Today I realize that I have the potential to kick, fight, a pursue. This time is now my own, for I am my greatest victory. Inside of my babies' eyes are a solid glimpse of gratitude. They are telling me with every kiss and hug that they need me to support them, stay strong for them, and provide for them. I can do this.
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